And Bob told him not to worry about it, but he should have been worried. Because maybe eventually it all worked out fine, but there is always a possibility something will happen. And I'm worried. I know I can win this battle. I know I can survive these days or weeks or months untill I will be better, but for now I'm worried. My mind makes me think things I haven't thought in a long time, and it scares me. I am terrified. I know how easy it is to fall right back to the darkest place. I know I can get up even after the hardest falls, but I don't want to test it. I don't want to spend years in bed, cring in silence, begging for merci. I don't want to be left alone. And problem is, if you don't ask for help, it won't come by itself. You should do something in order to be heared. But I don't know how much help they can give me. I don't know what else there is to do. We tried so hard, I tried so hard for the last two years. And yes, I made huge progress, but it seems like I never do enough. And I don't know how to change it, because there is nothing else I can do. I don't have more power in me. Not for new things. And I'm so lonely it burns

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