What people don't understand is that we brag about our little talents and constantly talk about all those little things we like because we need it. It's what we have in life. Not in a sad way, but in a this-is-life way

I know I'm enough the way that I am, but what if I'm not? What if it's not enough to be sensitive and to love music and art? What if the world, or, to be honest, the people I want to fit with, think I should spend three years of my life studying something, just to be sure I'll always be okay

But when I did study, when I did what they told me to do, I wasn't happy. I love to learn, I hate to study. I hate to be in one place. I hate to report about my actions, I hate being tested

I want to be able to say: no, I didn't go to school. It made me miserable and I chose not to try. Yes, I didn't even try

I think that the thing I'm most afraid of is knowing that I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong enough to get up every morning, get dressed, eat breakfast and then dill with the world. I need two days rest after one day of normal schedule

and I love life, I have so many dreams and visions, but I can't be active in the outside world and in the inside one. I can't go to school or work and keep being happy. This is hard work for me, not being sad. I learned how to do it so I'm mostly happy, but when I have to focus on something else I become so sad it's scary

I don't wanna go back there, it was way too painful

But this world is demanding. I have to provide for my family if I wanna have one, and I do, badly. I have to make enough money to live, even by myself. And I can't think about it because it's terrifying to admit that maybe I need bigger help than anybody else

The people I go to for advice don't have answers for me so I don't talk about it. I don't wanna make them feel sorry for me more than they already do. They can't tell why I'm so messed up. They don't know how I turned out to be so weak when I was such a smart, sensitive, kind-hearted little girl

I can't go to the doctor because his only reaction is: take those pills. Those pills were awful, I'm much better without them, but he doesn't get it. Why would he? We barely even talked before he decided exactly who I am and what's wrong with me. Well, I did a better job and quit those pills. I'm happy now, I just worry a lot

I pray for a miracle almost every day, and I get them. I never feel alone, I always feel god by my side

I know it'll be alright, I just hope it'll be alright soon