I just wish I had people to share the miracles with. I want my kids to have a father, and since I plan to be a mom until the age of 26... well, that gives me 3.5 years to meet someone. I don't want to be nervous, so I really prefer to meet him as soon as possible. This year. Tomorrow. Hell, now. Why not now? Why can't people fall in love with me and stay? It doesn't help me that someone used to think we'll be married someday. It doesn't help me if every person who falls in love with me is an idiot that runs away. It doesn't help me that I feel happy, if I don't have anything that it takes to build a steady, happy, health realationship
I need help and I don't know how to ask for it, because I really don't know what kind of help I need. Some kind of therapy? Someone who will take me to bars, just to drink a coctail and dance a little, maybe. A nice job where I can meet new people
Something. I need something that I have no words to define since it doesn't exist. I need a huge god to take care of me

I know you're there. I pray for you almost every day. I know you help me. But I didn't ask to be happy or to get that great movie evreybody talks about. I wanted that, but I didn't ask that. I asked to meet someone who I can live with, and be a parent with. I asked for that every single day since I was seven. I remember that clearly. I know I'm barely 20 (3.5 months), but it doesn't seem to be something that's happening. I don't know if you have a plan for me. My life looks like a mess. I know I have a better future, because everything gets better with time, I see that. But then again- I didn't ask to be happy. I didn't ask those compliments. I didn't ask good food. I asked to have a family of my own. A man and some kids
Is it too crazy to ask for that to happen this year? And I mean the hebrew year, so you got, like, eight months to set me up with someone amazing. I don't want to go on a date in eight months. I want to love him, deeply, to know that this is my man, at the end of the year. I want it to be good and safe and natural, so it really gives you two months until we'll be together. I want to meet him today, and I really mean today, so we will have that exitment before a realationship starts

I don't promise anything in return but to be a good person, an amazing wife and a loving, caring mom. I know you don't need me to promise I will give a coin for charity every day. I don't have that coin. But I will give all the money I have right now, If you would pronise me that means I'll be a mom someday soon. But there is no promise, you won't talk to me. I pray and I feel you and I know you love me. But I really need, and want, and can to be a mom. So please help me with that. I need you with me every little step of the way. When I dream at night, when I get up in the morning, when I brush my teeth. I need you on family meetings, when I walk in the streets, when I talk with strangers. I need you in my food, in the people I love. You're already there. I know
.that. But it really is the time to do something big
I'm asking for your help. You're the only one it the whole univers, every univers and univers, that knows how to help me. You have the power. I can leave the house, I can make phonecalls, I can write. But I need you with me. You got the plan. You know what my steps should be
I turn it all to you. You decide. You do. You give me whatever it takes to have a family soon

You know that. Sometimes I get mad because my ears want to kill me, but you know I love you all the time. I know that
Please. I'm begging. You know this is a good thing. You made me wish for a husband and kids because it's a wonderfull thing
Don't ever leave me on my own. I know what it feels like to have you around me all the time. There were some months I felt you hug me all day, every day. You hugged me tight and that was so amazing
I miss you. I really miss you. I know you miss me
I can't pray the usual way. I can't hold any book
But I pray with my words, thoughts and feelings. I dedicate lots of moments through the day just to feel you. I will do it more. I miss you. I miss you so much

I turn it all to you. You decide. You do. You give me whatever it takes to have a family soon

אשכרה.