I asked her what happened and I wasn't prepared for this
It was a HUGE trigger
It made me feel terrible
I need to go out and I have no power for this right now
I told her what happened two weeks ago
It's hard just to say it
Last night was awful
I didn't fall asleep until like 4 in the morning
I had a lot of flashbacks
I felt dirty
I'm disgusted about myself
I need fresh air and sea and nature
I have no powers whatsoever
I watched it last night and I knew it was gonna make me feel bad but I did it anyway
Stupid little girl
She told me her parents denied and that reminded me of my parents and their reaction
Ooffff wft
I need to get over it but how
How do you heal from the trauma if it keeps happening over and over again
And I feel like it's nothing because it's not * it's just s.a
But it's not nothing. It's a big deal for me
And I can't remember my childhood and I have a feeling like it happened before what I can remember
But feeling is not proving anything I know that
Do I need proofs? To feel like my feelings are valid
Maybe
I don't know anything anymore
I just wanna sleep forever
Until all of it will be okay
But this is not gonna happen
I need to fix my problems by myself
But I don't have the power to do it at all
It's hard for me even to function
To go outside the house and do things
Even inside the house it's hard for me
I have a lot to do and I'm doing nothing
Just wanna cry all the time
At the nights I'm completely falling apart
Even at the days sometimes
Smoking a lot nonstop
Watch stupid things on my phone
I got addicted to that coloring app and it's turning my thoughts off so that's good but I'm spending a lot of time on that instead of doing real stuff that I have to do
I need to speak to my mom but I don't want to right now
I'm stressed and I feel awful and I wanna sleep forever
Tatte help me
Bring us Geula
Cause we need it right now
Tatte fix me
My soul is torn in to a million pieces
I need you here with me
There's a child who's looking at me
Maybe it's me that's scared to sleep
Listen to the thoughts when I don't have words
ואפילו בהסתרה שבתוך ההסתרה
בוודאי גם שם נמצא השם יתברך
I need to see you here with me
I can't understand a thing
I'm walking in the dark and can't see the light
I believe in full belief that all It's hapening is for my best
I hope at least
I'm trying
I'm trying so hard
?Tatte do you see it
I need you
Fuck what i'm supposed to do
I need a miracle maybe
But I know there's no miracles
It's in my hands to make it better
But I don't feel like I have the power to do that
I need to get there
Maybe it'd help
Ooff
?Tatte save me from myself please okay
I don't know what to do anymore
