I'm all alone and I need you now.
It's disgusting to see how weak I am now...
I've made such big plans for this month, and yet the only thing I did expect for playing a little music, was finding some interesting books.
My motivaition to do anything other than nothing is so faint It's only effect on me is to make me sad about being lazy, without acually getting anything done.
I keep depending on others to give me that motivation.
It's sad, really.
I won't get anywhere in life if i keep on like this.
My studies would be a joke if I won't keep them up seriously, I wouldn't be able to get married, being unable to make such a serious commitment. Mainly because I won't trust myself to do what it takes.
I'm sad, I'm mad, and at the same time I'm oblivious.
What will shake me? Since I show no signs of improving, I wonder what will change it.
The Rav said I Might need to recruit to the army. There I won't have a choice but to do things.
I Don't want that. I want to change while still at yeshiva.
I want to be strong.
- לקראת נישואין וזוגיות