I have such a weird mood. I'm not depressed, but I'm not happy either. I don't feel anything but this odd feeling of nothing. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live, too. It's not like "I wish to disappear". It's more like… I wish I wasn't born. Everything would have been much easier that way to everyone.
I wish to my death every day, but when I feel good I can't give up the pain.
I can't explain to you guys what I want, or why I did what I did. I just want to say that I'm sorry I got into your life. And I mean all of you. I wish you all forget me and forgive me for my lies and my behavior.
I'm not going to disappear, but I'm going to stop the games and the clues.
You are going to forget me. And so will my friends in the real world.
I guess my family won't, but… one day I won't be here anymore. And all of you will live your life and I will watch you and help you, because I really love you.
I'm not sick, but I'm not healthy. I'm not me right now, but I'm not someone else.
There is good for all of us. I just can't find mine.
Love always, me.
)
*
- לקראת נישואין וזוגיות